“He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
Proverbs 18:22, NKJV
And obtains favor from the LORD.”
Sometimes we hear this scripture and start questioning our spouse: “Did I marry the right woman? With the way she behaves, perhaps I did not find a good thing.”
Please, look carefully. The Bible did not say, “He who finds a perfect woman.” It says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” The proverb celebrates marriage as a blessing; it should not become a weapon for disqualifying our spouse whenever difficulties arise.
What are you looking for?
Someone to keep you company temporarily, or someone with whom you intend to share your life?
When you consider marriage, see the person as someone to love, honor, and build a future with. Approach the relationship with honest intentions and commitment. The same applies to a woman seeking a husband.
Then become the spouse you are asking God for.
You want a faithful wife. Are you becoming a faithful husband? You want a loving husband. Are you preparing to be a faithful wife?
Ephesians 5 teaches wives to respect and submit to their husbands under their allegiance to Christ. It also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.
Husband, how did Christ love? He gave Himself. Your love must include sacrifice, patience, listening, and care. Both spouses have responsibilities. Both need to grow.
A loving marriage can also benefit our emotional well-being.
Grover and Helliwell’s study, published in the Journal of Happiness Studies in 2019, found higher life satisfaction among married participants, even after accounting for their earlier happiness. The estimated benefit was roughly twice as large among those who considered their spouse their best friend. That means a larger measured benefit—not that they were “twice as happy.”
A longitudinal study by Kamp Dush, Taylor, and Kroeger found that happier marital relationships were associated with better psychological well-being, including fewer depressive symptoms.
These studies do not promise happiness simply because someone marries. Findings vary, and an earlier 15-year study found that average life satisfaction tended to move back toward previous levels after marital changes, with substantial differences between individuals.
The practical lesson is to nurture friendship, trust, and care within marriage.
When difficulties come, address them with love and honesty.
Pray together. Listen. Apologize. Change harmful habits. Seek wise counsel when needed. Commitment includes addressing serious problems and protecting one another’s well-being.
God’s favor is a reason for gratitude, not a promise that marriage will be effortless.
So ask more than, “Did I marry the right person?” Ask, “Am I faithfully loving the person I married?”
Father, help us appreciate our spouses, fulfill our responsibilities, and build homes marked by love, honesty, friendship, and faithfulness, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
Pastor Johnson Oni